STACKHOUSE’S 10 THINGS
2 – OFFENSIVE ESKIMOS: It appears as though it’s only a matter of time before the Edmonton Eskimos change their name to Empire so that they can appease a select few minority trouble-makers who claim to take offense to the name Eskimos. Hate to break it to you, but the name doesn’t exist because they are making fun of a group of people. It exists because they admire that group’s toughness. If you search hard enough, you can find offense in almost every single sports name. How long before the Oilers have to change their name because they are promoting pollution? The solution is simple: sell the team name to a corporate sponsor and call them Edmonton Scotiabank. Fun times. We need to create a new word in the dictionary that has a meaning of ‘beyond stupid’.
3 – STARS SHINE: The Battlefords North Stars won the Canalta Cup (SJHL championship) over the weekend. I have a great amount of admiration for their coach, Bradyen Klimosko, who gets a title in his rookie season. The Humboldt native, I’m sure, would have loved to have been behind the bench of his hometown team but this couldn’t have worked out any better. This was also a rebuild year for the North Stars, so they are early odds-on favorites to repeat in 2020. Playoff MVP Joel Grzybowski is eligible to return, as are six defensemen, as well as two thirds of their most dangerous scoring line in Quintin and Elijah Loon-Stewardson.
4 – OFFICIATING TIPS: Here are a few pointers for people trying to figure out NHL refereeing in the playoffs: if it’s a blatant crosscheck or some other form of a hit that is a penalty in the first period, it’s no longer a penalty if it’s the third period and you are the trailing team. This rule changes and is further amplified if you are on the receiving end of this as the trailing team in the final minute of the third and you have an extra attacker on the ice. Also, if the number of powerplay chances are uneven and one club has two more opportunities than the other, the team that has been shorthanded most gets a lot of leeway in the second half of the game. Again, this is amplified further if the team is behind and was victimized with a powerplay goal scored against them. Also, if you are the Pittsburgh Penguins (specifically Evgeni Malkin) you are allowed to commit an offense that is deemed suspendable by NHL Player Safety without so much as a two minute minor.
5 – SASK TRAFFIC RULES: I hear of people being pulled over for speeding all the time, but never have I ever heard of someone getting a ticket for doing 80 on a highway and impeding traffic.
Further to that, I’m sure glad 8th Street in Saskatoon is a safer place now that the radar gun was used to nab numerous offenders on a very dangerous stretch near the Circle Drive off ramp. Such was the case on Good Friday. I know every time I’m there I fear the abundance of speeders and all the danger that is caused in that area (if you aren’t familiar with my sarcasm, this would be a good paragraph to get acquainted with it).
7 – FURTHERMORE: Milwaukee’s Corey Knebel has thrown 223 innings over 5 years and just went under the knife for Tommy John Surgery this month. So there goes that theory of an innings limit.
8 – CFL LABOUR: I don’t understand fans who side with owners during periods of labour strife in professional sports. The most common answer I hear is that it’s because the players are greedy and already make a ton of money. You do realize owners make, exponentially, more than the players do or else we’d see former players buy teams for themselves after they retire.
9 – OWNERS LIE: When the NHL instituted a salary cap during their last big labour stoppage, one anonymous owner said he’d go out of business if he had to accept a $39-million cap. Here we are with an $80-million cap and teams are making money hand over fist. At least players are honest.
10 – NOW OR NEVER: This will be the weakest field of eight in the second round of the NHL playoffs in recent memory. If Toronto doesn’t win this year, just fold.
